I have learned the importance of forgiveness, both extending it when I have been hurt and seeking it when I have caused hurt. Pride prolongs distance, but humility creates room for healing. Not every friendship will be restored, but forgiveness frees the heart regardless of the outcome.
Hannah Baluka, 2026
I have known Hannah since her first year in Law School. I saw my younger self in her in the way she carried herself; her books across her arm, the purpose in her step, and the urgency with which she went to the library. I knew in there lies a little girl with dreams the size of the world. I also knew what that felt like and I knew we would be good friends, which we have been to date. Hannah and I have had some of the most meaningful conversations over the years and sometimes I forget how young she is! The maturity of her thoughts and her deep love for the things she does is something I admire most about her. This year, we have had conversations about the friends we have lost along the way and what that looked like for each of us and so I thought she would be the best person to speak about the grief of losing a friend. The rest of the piece shall be in her voice. Incase you haven’t yet, feel free to read the previous post on Living in Two Worlds: Maintaining friendships across borders by Lindzy Byamugisha.
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- What does friendship mean to you?
To me, friendship is one of God’s greatest gifts. It is built on consideration, thinking about another person beyond yourself. It is openness, where you can be honest about your joys, fears, victories, and struggles without fear of judgment. It is closeness, not just in proximity but in emotional and spiritual connection. It is love that chooses to remain kind, patient, and intentional, even when life becomes busy or difficult. It is reliability, knowing that someone will show up, not only during seasons of celebration but also in seasons of uncertainty, pain and loss.
Friendship is a safe space where both people are committed to each other’s growth. It is not about perfection but about choosing one another consistently. It means celebrating each other’s successes without competition, speaking truth in love, praying for one another, correcting each other with humility, and extending grace when mistakes are made.
As a Christian, I also believe friendship should reflect the heart of Christ. Jesus called His disciples friends, and His friendships were marked by sacrificial love, honesty, compassion, and unwavering commitment. That is the kind of friendship I aspire to cultivate.
- What was the hardest part about losing a friend, and what were the key causes for your friendship losses?
The hardest part about losing a friend is the grief that follows. It feels like trying to separate two pieces of paper that have been glued together. When you pull them apart, something from each piece is left behind. That is what friendship loss has felt like for me. It is painful in a way that is difficult to put into words because you are not simply losing a person, you are losing shared experiences, routines, inside jokes, conversations, dreams, and a version of life that included them.
After the friendship ends, all that remains are memories. You remember places you visited together, conversations you shared, moments when they celebrated you or stood by you. Those memories do not disappear overnight, and sometimes they surface unexpectedly. Grieving a friendship is real because meaningful friendships become part of our lives and identities.
Looking back, I think many of the losses came from unmet expectations and unresolved conflict. Sometimes expectations were never communicated, so disappointment quietly grew. At other times, difficult conversations were avoided, allowing small hurts to become deep wounds. I have also learned that people grow in different directions, and not every friendship survives every season. While that reality is painful, it has taught me that healthy friendships require intentional communication, humility, and a willingness to work through misunderstandings rather than letting them create distance.
- What has the ache of loss looked like for you?
For me, the ache of loss has looked like grief mixed with silence. It has looked like wondering how people who once knew so much about your life can become strangers. It has looked like missing someone while accepting that the relationship may never return to what it once was.
The ache has also involved self reflection. I have asked myself difficult questions. Could I have communicated better? Did I assume too much? Did I forgive quickly enough? Did I express my expectations clearly? Those questions have not always had easy answers, but they have helped me grow.
There have also been moments of loneliness, especially when I wished I could share good news or difficult moments with someone who used to be close. But through that process, I have also experienced God’s faithfulness. He has reminded me that while people may come and go through different seasons, His presence remains constant. The loss has taught me to anchor my identity and security in God rather than in any one relationship.
Although the ache has been real, it has softened over time. It has become less about bitterness and more about gratitude for the moments we shared and hope for healthier relationships in the future.
- What are the key lessons you have carried with you through the grief of loss?
One of the greatest lessons I have learned is to love wholeheartedly while remembering that every relationship requires grace. Love is always a risk because opening your heart means you can also be hurt, but I do not want fear to stop me from loving people well.
I have learned the importance of forgiveness, both extending it when I have been hurt and seeking it when I have caused hurt. Pride prolongs distance, but humility creates room for healing. Not every friendship will be restored, but forgiveness frees the heart regardless of the outcome.
Another lesson is the importance of having difficult conversations. Silence rarely solves problems. Many friendships do not end because there was no love. They end because honest conversations never happened. Addressing misunderstandings early, expressing expectations respectfully, and listening with empathy can prevent small issues from becoming permanent divisions.
I have also learned not to idolize friendships. People are human, and they will sometimes disappoint us, just as we will disappoint others. Healthy friendships flourish when we allow room for imperfections and remember that only God is perfectly faithful.
Finally, grief has taught me to cherish the people who are present today. Friendships require intentionality. They need time, prayer, encouragement, communication, and consistency. We should not assume people know they are loved. We should tell them, show them, and appreciate them while we have the opportunity. Even painful endings have shaped me into someone who values reconciliation, authenticity, and deeper, healthier relationships.