Collaboration: Girl Talk on Self worth with Miss B

‘A woman who knows her worth is a beacon.

She’s an embodiment of love.

You can’t give her a half a lung, she’s worth life.

A woman who knows her worth requires you to know her worth as well.

The gold in her soul has to be a reflection of gold that exists in you,

She doesn’t need your attention to exist.’

Excerpt from Chameleon Aura, Billy Chapata.

Do you have those days where you look at yourself in the mirror and you’re not feeling as bad ass as you’re supposed to feel? Thinking ‘Why do I have to go through this day again?’

Those days when you don’t feel as yellow as you’re supposed to, and it happens more often than not? I’m here to talk about those days.   

Self-worth to me is basically the oomph that a person has about themselves. But to make it more official, the oxford dictionary defines it as the value that one assigns to oneself or one’s abilities in self-assessment.

When I saw Miss B’s call for collaboration on Girl Talk, I knew I definitely wanted to write something about self-worth seeing as she has such a large audience and it’s a topic that never grows old.

There are a couple of elucidations that could make someone lose their self-worth inclusive of lack of self-confidence, peer pressure, comparison, environmental factors, to mention but a few. But over the years I’ve noticed that the greatest loss of self-worth is caused by the Imposter Syndrome. This can be loosely defined as a psychological pattern in which an individual doubt their skills, talents or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud.

Its so easy for a person to doubt their accomplishments, certificates and how far they’ve come, in the face of a whirlwind or criticism and kills the twine of self-worth that could have already been constructed. Michelle Obama in her Netflix documentary; Becoming, admitted to have confronted this syndrome during Obama’s elections when the mainstream media probed everything she said during the primaries and she had to suppress her free speech to adopt the directed written speech just so that her husband wouldn’t lose the election.

But she had to overcome her pity party and believe that within herself, she could sum up all the courage she could to be the best person for the job and 8 years down the road, the whole world can testify to the strength she exhumed in having to hold the forte for her family and the leadership of the country.

The root to a person’s success, I believe, is one’s confidence in themselves. (Over and above the confidence in Christ for my fellow believers) I’m sure you’ve seen quotes that emphasize how you are your biggest ‘enemy of progress’ and I definitely believe in that, 100 %. This is because on those days that I wake up feeling less than a 10%, those days always go wrong one way or the other because at the back of my brain, I’m not up to do anything. That’s simply because of the attitude I placed myself in that morning when I woke up and looked at myself in the mirror.

Over the past year, there are a number of observations I’ve made from the people around me and the books I’ve read and documentaries I’ve watched that directs to waning self-confidence especially in the female gender. You’d think all this affirmative action and feminism movement would play a role in ensuring that girls ae more self-built and confident in themselves, but there’s still that inner voice that will determine whether your confidence is at 100% or not.  

For my part, I’ve found my self-worth in Christ and it’s been a remarkable journey since the day I accepted to make Him my personal Lord and saviour, but I know this might not be the case for everyone reading this, though I wish it would.

In the Becoming documentary on Netflix, most of the girls that were interviewed stated that they fight with a couple of insecurities that make them ‘feel’ inadequate or not worthy of the opportunities that are presented to them. Most of these girls were women of colour or in minority groups as spelled out by society in the USA. I put the word ‘feel’ in quotes because our feelings can often be misdirecting. You think you ‘feel’ like everyone around you doesn’t understand you but it’s all in your head. Yes, they’ll definitely be those few who aren’t on your team, but don’t forget those who are and be grateful for them.   

Finishing that documentary and listening to Michelle speak to these different audiences and groups made me realise that we actually have a role to play in making sure that we shield our minds from the self-doubt that lingers in there about ourselves, even despite the public disparagements, and keep doing what we do. One of my favourite verses in the Bible is Colossians 3;23 where God instructs us to work at everything we do as if working for Him and not for man.

And the wisdom of this is that God realised that humans love affirmations and most of them direct their actions just so that they can get a pat on the back or a ‘kudos’ here and there. But what happens when these don’t happen? We lose our self-drive to do things because we sulkily think that ‘nobody appreciates what I do.’ So, what then should you do? Keep sulking and not doing your work, or do it because someone out there definitely appreciates what you do?

I don’t think that your amazing smile or vocation should stop just because nobody appreciated you.

A Ugandan author called Jennifer Makumbi, in her most recent book entitled The First Woman/ a Girl is a body of water helped me conjure up most of the inspiration I needed to write this blog. This book enumerated a number of aspects that spoke to the self-worth of different girls growing up in different settings from the rural home, to the school environment, to the city and different other areas. Two of the leading characters in the book were depicted to have their self-worth in their beauty which failed them despondently. (Stay tuned for the review coming your way)

I think what I’m trying to say to all the stunning girls that are reading this and the curious gentlemen following the ‘Girl Talk’ series on Miss B’s blog, is that the amazing work you’re doing shouldn’t only be for the spectators, but for the greater good of the people you’re working for. Don’t let your self-worth be determined by someone who didn’t say a kind word your way but let it be fully grounded in credence to yourself and the purpose for which you were created.  

Now I know all these might seem hard to do but I want you to know that if you’re to forget everything I’ve penned down from the onset of this blog, don’t forget that you are in full control of your own esteem and self-worth and no one should ever persuade you otherwise. No one can give you the confidence you need to be comfortable in your skin and in your worth because that will unquestionably lead to disenchantment. People won’t always be in your corner, and something small can definitely turn them against you so you definitely have to be your own cheerleader.     

I trust you to make the best choices and decisions but don’t forget that it all begins and ends with yourself.

Cheers.   

***

Khanani well said!
Self-worth begins and ends with yourself. You cannot determine your self-worth by how others see you or how high others carry you, no way! Everything is determined how you see yourself and of course the world has formed its own image about what is considered successful or who is beautiful and who is left out or what you have to be in order to be accepted or to be “approved” by others.

However, don’t forget that everything is temporary … in the eyes of people. Today you are appreciated and you just have to fall short or you are worth nothing in their eyes. That is the consequence if you let people determine your self-worth…

So Listen, please don’t let that influence make you insecure! Be happy with who you are as a person and appreciate yourself and your talents & qualities because you are and the one who should value yourself!

That’s why it called Self-worth.

The moment you know and appreciate your own worth, you also know your worth in the friendships you choose and partner you choose and you also monitor how people treat you. Love yourself and know your worth!

Yess Darling,

SELF-WORTH

-MISS B.-